I could call you beautiful or I could tell you about how God crafted your each and every bone, formed your heart within the safety of your chest, stretched your skin over your slender frame, harbored those rivers of blood within the wellspring of your life, colored your eyes to imitate the sky, painted those freckles as constellations upon your face, purified your teeth with the whitest radiance, rolled out your tongue in the shape of sound, and blew the breath of life into your very lungs.
I chose you over them,
Knowing that you suited me.
Although you were conceived
Through complaint and insult,
You are beautiful
In my eyes.
When I found you,
The thought that I could see nothing else pervaded.
An emotional response more powerful than lightening
struck my heart,
And I knew my wiring had changed.
I felt you re-run the circuits,
While I attempted to understand.
If you could place
and your soul
into pure dedication
greater than yourself,
could ever prevent you
from lovingly pursuing
such a self-less passion?
Post with 2 notes
In February of 2013, I have attended this youth gathering called “Youth Quake” that was held at one of the bible colleges a few hours from where I’m from, and overall it was a good experience. Not what I expected but I still left with a lesson learned and that’s all I could ask for. If you’ve ever been to a youth conference a.k.a YC this was a similar scene. A weekend full of live bands, speakers, workshops and worship. A weekend where youth from all over Canada came to spend their time with the Lord.
Having been to a YC before and being extremely affected by it, I came to YQ with the same mentality, that my world would be shaken. With such a high expectation everything just ended up falling short. I’m not really sure why, but I found out that YC and YQ are not entirely the same. Still good! But both containing individual qualities.
So the first day and a half that I was there I was confused and frustrated because I wasn’t feeling Gods presence. I mean I knew it was there (that’s even more frustrating) I just couldn’t feel it. I sat there trying to take in what the speaker was saying, I stood there with my arms reached out during worship, quietly asking God to allow me to feel that passion that I so wanted. When nothing happened I didn’t understand why. I mean I actually wanted what I was supposed to want, Him. Right?
So I started to blame others; and after thinking “it’s the people around me” or even worse “it’s Gods fault, He’s keeping Himself from me” out of frustration, I immediately regretted the thought and started to become angry with myself. But after talking with my youth leader I calmed down and stopped thinking that there was something wrong with me for having the thoughts that I did. That being said, when I went back for the second session I came with a new slate, forgetting about the frustration I felt earlier. And again when I didn’t exactly feel anything I didn’t become angry, instead I prayed to God and thanked Him for that place and for being there, because I KNEW that He was. And whatever was happening (or better yet what wasn’t happening) was for a reason and I trusted Him.
Immediately after I prayed this to myself, I started to really pay attention to my surroundings. The crowd of people around me with their hands lifted high, the voices of praise, the stage with the fancy lights and the band that worshiped in His name. And then ever so slightly above the stage and all that was going on below, I saw the cross hiding in the darkness, away from it all. I haven’t even noticed it before, and it was there the whole time. Quietly looking over all of us. In that moment when I noticed it there, everything else disappeared, and it was just me and that cross.
And it completely broke me.
I wept uncontrollably because in that moment my eyes were opened. A flood of love and passion flowed right through me and I couldn’t contain it. I finally felt that connection that I craved so desperately. That fire burning within me. And I had realized that I was looking for God in all the wrong places. I came to YQ with this thought that the crowds of people worshiping, the crazy lights and the bands would fill this void, that I would feel the passion radiating from everyone, everywhere in that place. And as great as that all is, that’s not the true source of where the Love of God comes from. It comes from that cross and what it represents. The love. And the sacrifice He’s made for us. And if you TRULY believe that, it’s enough to humble anyone in any situation. So if you’re ever in the same boat and you just cant seem to find Him, look up. Because He is always there, you may just be looking for Him in all the wrong places.
Our universe is so beautiful, I just can’t get over it!
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